The Reason You Freeze When Asked "What Do You Need?" (And What to Do About It)

The reason setting external boundaries is so difficult is often because of a woman’s internal boundaries (the ones with herself). 

It’s common that a woman will feel frozen when she knows she needs to set a boundary outside of herself because she is actually overwhelmed. She’s overwhelmed because she is “siding” with someone else when she tries to look at what she needs/wants. This prevents her from having the inner confidence to bring that information out in the open (and possibly get what she wants/needs). It’s like she’s hiding from herself and this creates a general sense of anxiety- especially if she’s asked “What do you need?”

Here’s what I know: Boundaries become a lot clearer when you know where you’re going. They act as a runway of sorts, making it clearer what is “in” line and what doesn’t fit on her path forward. 

What she needs most is to break boundaries down to a micro level, a bite-sized piece of insight that she can start to build from. 

The boundary most women need to reinforce is with themselves: the way she speaks to/about themselves. 

For my work with clients, this always starts with holding back the judgment when she is facing her own wants and needs so we can move toward them and hear what they have to say. This looks like purposely dropping the judgment she has about her complaints and her fears. We start there because there’s a big ROI in the rest of her life experience when she is able to *experience* the support (or protection) boundaries are meant to provide. 

A practice I use with clients to “drop the judgment” is to assume she’s not wrong. Often there’s a subconscious habit (especially prevalent in women, ikyk) to undermine themselves. This sounds like “I’m probably being dramatic/needy/harsh/not doing this right/etc, but… “. This habit gets in the way of her taking her needs/wants seriously enough to (naturally) take action. This keeps her stuck and to pacify the discomfort she’s in, she tells the story that she must be dramatic/needy/harsh/not doing this right/etc (often a familiar dynamic from her past). 

But if she were to drop the judgment she has and assume there’s a good reason she wants/needs this to change, it activates the adult, (empowered masculine) energy within her instead of her inner victim (wounded feminine). 

It is easier for her to think of creative solutions when she believes there’s a good reason for it. 

This is how she starts to build the inner trust between the inner child and the empowered adult that she needs to create experiences in her life that feel good and fulfilling for her- by taking action on her own behalf. It’s counterintuitive and this skill set is one I help clients break down so they can take action.   

When a woman feels supported and safe, her highest expression naturally flows forth- she is more creative, more confident, and more able to go with the flow (or at least not terrified of change and can allow it to unfold). 

It’s from THIS energetic state that she is most able to make the impact her heart yearns for. She is able to express the divine gifting she has- to create, to help others, to be generous, to be the best mom/partner/friend/boss.  

She doesn’t need to be fearless to shine, she just needs to feel supported. 

This feeling of support often starts on the inside and EXPANDS. 

I have a group program designed to help a woman get out of her own way and allow her emotional evolution to feel natural (it is :p) instead of like “work”. Often, when a woman gets to a certain level of emotional maturity, she actually has healed enough, she is ready to grow but she needs to remove the limits she has previously had so her boundaries act as the runway to her natural expansion.

You can get module 1 (for FREE) to go deeper into the process of “siding with yourself” so boundaries become easier to set by clicking the link below. 

If you’re ready to expand your comfort zone and create the structure you need to let your feminine energy shine (and see just how amazing/powerful you *actually* are), you can learn more about EXPAND by clicking below.  

Not only will we be working on expanding the beliefs that have kept you playing a smaller role in your life than you’d like, you will also be supported by other women who are actively learning to create more safety within themselves so they can reveal more and more of their heart to the world (this has everything to do with seeing yourself and the situation clearly, which is what has us take empowered actions).

This is perfect for women who have an understanding of boundaries but feel like there’s something that doesn’t quite “work” when they try to set them. They are often told how amazing they are but when they think of really “going after their dream”, they feel overwhelmed and put it off for later. You still have time to take the ARISE content if you haven’t already which is a perfect prerequisite to get started (get it for $97 if you join the Expand group).

If you’re ready to create and experience the support you need to expand your comfort zone, the sign up link is here: