The Kitchen Doesn't Have to Be a Battleground

When one partner carries most of the cooking and wants that to change, they often don’t know how to shift the dynamic. They try doing what they would need to pick up the ball (and run with it)- they hint how nice it would be to not cook, they reveal exasperation while doing the task, they may even ask for specific help- but the reason it’s not effective is that the other person isn’t them (shocker😉).

The problem is changing a relationship requires two people to participate and the partner who feels like they want things to shift (Partner A) often feel as though they’ve tried everything they can think of to no avail.

Here’s what’s actually (usually) happening:

Partner A asks for help in a way they understand, Partner B offers help in a way they understand. As a result, Partner A feels like Partner B isn’t doing enough or is making it more challenging and decides it’s easier to “just do it themselves”. Meanwhile, Partner B perceives their help isn’t helpful and they feel less confident inserting themselves.

What they actually need is to recalibrate their system, to have a conscious conversation of what each person needs to feel welcomed and supported as they contribute to the household food environment. This is often very triggering to Partner A because they’ve exerted so much of their own energy, they are more likely to take feedback personally (but I’ve got you😉).

This isn’t about being “more feminine” or “more of a team player”, it’s about knowing how to allow the dynamic to mature.

This means both parties will have some reflecting and shifting to do. 

Partner A’s willingness to participate in this conversation in an open, honest way will give them the information they need in order to set new, mutually empowering boundaries with their partner. This is where the whole dynamic begins to shift.

In my experience, working with thousands of men and women through the years, there are often some preprogrammed beliefs set in place long before they find their partner that play out in the kitchen until we bring them to light.

When we don’t understand what they are, we are more likely to take it personally and our response is usually the opposite of what is helpful.

By understanding where you AND your partner are creating their perception, you can BOTH begin creating a more harmonious paradigm where each feels seen, valued, and supported (and accountable) as they grow.

This is empowered polarity

I have a transformative masterclass available on self-study for men and women who want to naturally shift their relationship dynamic to create mutual support and engagement and feel like partners at home. The content dives deep into the most common perspectives I hear from both sides of this dynamic so you can compassionately understand how this dynamic started (for yourself AND your partner), new language and skills to increase safety while speaking truthfully, a practical framework to use in your own home and milestones of progress to measure emotional growth and come out of the stalemate organically.

When you engage with empowered polarity, you naturally break toxic cycles (that should feel like a turn-off in an adult long-term relationship) -like feeling like the parent or the child of your partner- and begin feeling and nurturing healthy attraction. When you master this new skill, you can apply it to any household chore (not just the kitchen) and your whole house can become an opportunity to spark polarity😏.

Often my relationship clients (male and female) will say the more connected they feel, the more generosity they naturally give to the other’s shortcomings. This is great because you don’t have to be perfect overnight, you simply need to maintain the feeling of connection while you (each) grow to create more harmony at home.

This is ideal for people who desire healthy partnerships and harmony at home and are willing to self-reflect and be responsible for what they learn.

The cost is $57 and you can get instant access to the content below.