How to: set boundaries in your relationship with time
If you struggle to manage time because tasks feel like they're jumping on your metaphoric plate, you may want to check your relationship with time. It's likely you operate from a paradigm that feels like everything's on fire, making your self-care feel like another task that needs to get done instead of recharging your tank.
I used to believe that work came first and then you fill in the rest of your time with "the other things" in life (family time, friends, "fun", dating, taking care of your health, sleep, etc). I feel my heart raising thinking about the way I used to live.
The reality was, while I was "successful" (I bought a house, maintained a job consistently, "had friends", and people always thought I'd be a great match for their son), I felt completely hollow inside.
I was living to climb but also felt like I was going nowhere.
I had no brake pedal and I wasn't sure where to steer and so I stayed in my lane.
I teach mindful eating and yet my lunch breaks actually looked like not chewing my food or eating at my desk so I could get back on the clock. (context: I worked for a well-being company, and they wanted us to get away from our desks and "take care of ourselves").
Needless to say, it felt really bad.
What I didn't realize then was I was terrified of time.
I had no idea how to manage it in a way that felt sustainable for me and my day was almost entirely spent reacting to whatever was put in front of me.
What I now know is that most of us don't see the situation very clearly and it keeps us in a state of what I call "survival energy" (the panicky, scattered feeling that you're only allowed to take a "break" from if someone else steps in and takes care of you). I now realize this is simply the child energy- the underdeveloped part of my emotions that lives in an illusion, in my case, the illusion of "always being behind".
This illusion acts like a movie screen on which there is a projection that looks like "real life". But it is not real.
This "movie" is usually one we've seen hundreds of times (maybe we even watched our parent's "movie") and yet it always ends the same- us giving up our power, the energy meant for us to build our life, to something we feel powerless to conquer.
This often leaves us feeling angry, hopeless, and exhausted.
What this part of us needs is to be "taken care of", and the only person that can do that is the adult version of you.... the version of you that can see over the movie screen to what is actually happening and decide how to respond.
This is the part of you that is able to say, "Actually, this is enough" (whether it's eating, spending, lounging, or even working). It can recognize the natural limits because it is above the swirling energy and can see clearly.
Today I took an hour for lunch. I ate at a pace that let me taste my food and took the dog on a longer walk around the neighborhood.
Did I have things to do? Yep.
Did I feel panic? Nope.
I've given myself a boundary around my work that let's me feel free to shift out of work and it sounds like this: I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
It means, at lunch, I'm eating. When I'm working, I am working. When I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping. You get the picture.
The distinction between the two is what allows my mind to wander and think about what I'm working on without feeling guilty for not doing it at that moment.
Whatever you are doing, give yourself permission to be all there.
If you’re wanting to create more “free” time (not just time but the spaciousness you feel within it), I have a group program you will want to look into. The group is designed to shift the inner experience you have by understanding where your inner boundaries actually are and where you need them to be to experience the peace you’re looking for.
We will meet during the month of June and I would invite you to grab a friend and invest this time (and maybe some of that tax return) into feeling safe taking up more space in your own life.
When a woman feels protected (instead of stifled) by her own boundaries, she naturally feels like she has more energy to share with the world. As a result, she can direct this “fuel” into making her life her masterpiece- confidently stepping into more enriching experiences (better jobs, healthier relationship dynamics, more vibrant health, etc).
The women that create this result most naturally are deeply emotional, conscientious, and generous. They are familiar with boundaries but have a hard time communicating them in a way that doesn’t cause others to shut down. Sometimes, how they’re “expected” to behave feels like an invisible fence keeping their dreams further away than they’d like.
You are made for more. You have a gift to share with the world (if you choose to). You don’t need to be fearless, you just need the right support to let that feel easy.
