Your relationship status is not because of your body

Your relationship status is not because of your body. Wanna know how I know? Because there are people who are in relationships (and happy) that have a body that looks like different than mainstream media’s definition of beauty. I’ve met them. And I’ve worked with them.

What I know to be true is that people (especially men) are influenced by energy, a sense of being able to feel someone’s presence and the impact it has on you, more than anyone could measure. So it’s less about what you look like and more about how they feel around you. There’s no need to try to make people feel good, it’s more about understand what allows people to feel good (or, rather, what prevents them from feeling good). People feel good around people who feel safe. The reason is, this allows them to reveal parts of themselves that are more novel than the parts they usually show to people (at work or in dating). This is what facilitates genuine connection.

What blocks genuine connection is judgment. And for many of my clients, the majority of judgment comes from within.

This is actually part of a larger conversation about what we, as women, have absorbed as Truth about what it means to be “attractive”. This narrative is often based on an unintegrated, young man’s version of sexual attraction. (It is really painful for many women to experience a body that looks so different than the one she’s in receiving praise and desire). It’s a common sentiment for my clients and this humiliation will stay with her long into her adulthood.

But what I know to be true is that bodies that receive genuine care and regard glow differently. This is why I focus so much on shifting the inner landscape from one of self-judgement to actionable care (self-acceptance really is the secret sauce). The parts of your body that carry your shame are the places I take my clients and watch their judgement melt away. This is tender work… to feel the heartbreak, cry the tears, say “no” to other people’s judgments so she can reclaim the whole of who she is.

The more a woman is able to accept- and dare I say fall in love with- the body she’s in, the more willing she is to give it the care it needs to thrive. This is when people begin to take notice of her. Not because she’s doing her hair differently but because she is energetically taking up more space. She’s more in her body (because she's no longer fighting it) and they can feel her. She is able to impact the people around her simply with her presence (sometimes for the first time ever).

Often she’s surprised to find that the quirks she was most embarrassed by become the reasons the right people love her most. Being seen for who/where you are at this point in your journey is an act of courage. This act of intimacy is what creates an aura of safety that others are drawn to. It feels refreshing to be around someone who is able to accept themselves. It will be received by people around you as self-confidence and that is alluring no matter how you slice it.

So if no one has told you today, you are so loveable.

Every inch of you is perfect and worthy of care.

You deserve to be loved the way you love others.

You are worth showing up for (even if it starts with you).

When you smile chef’s kiss

When a woman is able to radiate from the inside out, she operates above the traditional beauty standard at an energetic level. People feel her and think “she’s lovely” and it has nothing to do with the shape of her body or the way she styles her hair. You cannot manufacture attractiveness, your body will age, you will look different 20 years from now than you do now. But you can learn to trust that your real attraction (to the right people) is based in how much you are able to be yourself with them and offer that in return.

Give your body some love this week and let yourself be seen🥰

Oh, and your butt looks awesome today😉

If you’re ready to understand how to express more of your feminine energy (and feel secure) so the right people move toward you, I have a great offer for women who want to feel empowered in relationships. Arise: the Art of Empowering Relationships deep dives not only the way a woman sees herself but also how to identify healthy potential partners so she can heal old beliefs about what “attractive” means.
This is a 4 week intensive with pre-recorded content as well as 1:1 support (weekly 90 min calls via zoom to shift how you experience yourself on an energetic level + unlimited Telegram support for real time feedback).

To get started, click the link below and we can start right away!